Lord Praise Your Holi Name

Hello My Friend,
it was yesterday I was here expressing all my deep emotions and they disappeared well today I am here and it is another day and another new set of emotions.. I a so sad being not anything desirable to anyone.. it is terrible.
I thought at this age to be happy and feeling good about myself, looking ok for my age   yet here I am unhappy alone feeling badly looking aweful for my age and alone.
you are far from me Jesus.. I reach out to you but I do not feel like you reach back to me when will you reach out to me?  and help me feel wanted and not alone..
where are you my Lamb..
you did not come to me as a babe in my arms to be with me in my life..
and I hate that..   I begged that and wasn't heard.
and here I am in NC where there is not even GrandParent forster  care..
again I am denied..
you hate me.. 
I am fat and crippled what good am I , so ugly.. I know this can't be fixed..
if it could it would be.. Is that wy you left me alone to hate myself
and be alone sad unhappy cruel  and a bad person... 
please I long to feel your comfort and love again.. 
Praise you my dear spouse.  and thank you... I love you forever mor  Valerie

Prayer of Praise