Saturday, July 8, 2017
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Lord Praise Your Holi Name
Hello My Friend,
it was yesterday I was here expressing all my deep emotions and they disappeared well today I am here and it is another day and another new set of emotions.. I a so sad being not anything desirable to anyone.. it is terrible.
I thought at this age to be happy and feeling good about myself, looking ok for my age yet here I am unhappy alone feeling badly looking aweful for my age and alone.
you are far from me Jesus.. I reach out to you but I do not feel like you reach back to me when will you reach out to me? and help me feel wanted and not alone..
where are you my Lamb..
you did not come to me as a babe in my arms to be with me in my life..
and I hate that.. I begged that and wasn't heard.
and here I am in NC where there is not even GrandParent forster care..
again I am denied..
you hate me..
I am fat and crippled what good am I , so ugly.. I know this can't be fixed..
if it could it would be.. Is that wy you left me alone to hate myself
and be alone sad unhappy cruel and a bad person...
please I long to feel your comfort and love again..
Praise you my dear spouse. and thank you... I love you forever mor Valerie
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Today, through the Years
I did not for the life of me know what the Lord had planed for me since last I blogged oh my darling Angels do you see my hurt...
what my life has become? I do so often wish my life end that there is no use to my life.. but I keep plugging away..
getting nowhere fast..
the I took on top of the epidurals in my back not working my legs getting numb, the inability for my back to an nerve to with stand me I keep falling the firemen keep coming to pick me off the floor, finally I had back surgery which left me still numb needing another surgery.. it has been a year and 5 mons. and I still am not going to get better I have got to accept this but I don't and I am worthless to myself and most of all Paul, he is stuck in a between a rock and a hard place...
he doesn't know what to create out of our mess. our love, our marriage, the home, family, finances,
the daily home chores,
I am tring not to let them all fall on him.. yet a lot more than it does should does..
the landscape is awful. it mostly nees a lands scaper Pauls back is so bad we have git to get him an Mri
the medicine isn't doing much good either.. one day at a time sweet Jesus, please pour your healing down on him heal his back gace hiwith love peace and kindness from me and everyone..
thank you
what my life has become? I do so often wish my life end that there is no use to my life.. but I keep plugging away..
getting nowhere fast..
the I took on top of the epidurals in my back not working my legs getting numb, the inability for my back to an nerve to with stand me I keep falling the firemen keep coming to pick me off the floor, finally I had back surgery which left me still numb needing another surgery.. it has been a year and 5 mons. and I still am not going to get better I have got to accept this but I don't and I am worthless to myself and most of all Paul, he is stuck in a between a rock and a hard place...
he doesn't know what to create out of our mess. our love, our marriage, the home, family, finances,
the daily home chores,
I am tring not to let them all fall on him.. yet a lot more than it does should does..
the landscape is awful. it mostly nees a lands scaper Pauls back is so bad we have git to get him an Mri
the medicine isn't doing much good either.. one day at a time sweet Jesus, please pour your healing down on him heal his back gace hiwith love peace and kindness from me and everyone..
thank you
Sunday, November 1, 2015
Just Passed Over
Yesterday afternoon Mother called crying unconsoleably.
in deep sorrow in the loss of her sister my auntie Dorothy.
we peak at the moment she was so deep in hysteric crying...
I spoke with mom later she was more composed..
today I will call and talk things through and with Lou and Melissa..
also send a Spiritual to uncle Archie and Daniel..
for myslf I have yet to feel the pain of the loss.. I cannot figure
out way... maybe the past or just that she was 92 and it was expected for so long that I have just been waiting for the call.
to let go is also.. saying goodbye to a lot of happy days and days of unforgettable painful memories..
today is a day o mourning..
I will have energy and be motivated to do things to help Paul and I in our struggle with what we are doing.. decluttering.. taking things one day at a time asking God to have the angels direct us in our endeavor to clear out so we can focus and thing of the next right thing to do..
should we sell the house?
how do we go about it?
what will happen with SSD?
where do we go from here Jesus in your mighty name I ask for victory in our lives today..
bless the lord oh my soul I worship your holy name...
may all your holy angels and saints be with us in this day to be positive energized and motivated..
thank you and praise you forever more..
in deep sorrow in the loss of her sister my auntie Dorothy.
we peak at the moment she was so deep in hysteric crying...
I spoke with mom later she was more composed..
today I will call and talk things through and with Lou and Melissa..
also send a Spiritual to uncle Archie and Daniel..
for myslf I have yet to feel the pain of the loss.. I cannot figure
out way... maybe the past or just that she was 92 and it was expected for so long that I have just been waiting for the call.
to let go is also.. saying goodbye to a lot of happy days and days of unforgettable painful memories..
today is a day o mourning..
I will have energy and be motivated to do things to help Paul and I in our struggle with what we are doing.. decluttering.. taking things one day at a time asking God to have the angels direct us in our endeavor to clear out so we can focus and thing of the next right thing to do..
should we sell the house?
how do we go about it?
what will happen with SSD?
where do we go from here Jesus in your mighty name I ask for victory in our lives today..
bless the lord oh my soul I worship your holy name...
may all your holy angels and saints be with us in this day to be positive energized and motivated..
thank you and praise you forever more..
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
October 7 2015
well today i just did some cooking, really couldn't decide what i wanted to do..
Paul doen't appreciate that i don't always have a cooked meal for supper..
so i have it ready to go..
and i also made pumpkin spice chocolate chip cookies.. yummy
well talked to momc she bought a new chair for herself and it wasn't working out to great.. this has been going on a few weeks.. yesterday she slid off the chair on the floor. she diddn't get hurt but was stubborn about returning the chair..
i insisted on her calling.. so i called her this morning to check and see if she called to return the chair and i assume that everyone there thought i was nuts and they would not take back the chair..
so once again i insisted she call finally a couple of hours later she called and they are going to pick up the chair nd she will pick out a new one..
whu i do not know when i suggest that something will work for the good i am just not taken into consideration.. let it go.. it has always been that way...
all i can do is let them do things their way..
well Paul just walked in and i have got to see what he has going on..
see ya
Paul doen't appreciate that i don't always have a cooked meal for supper..
so i have it ready to go..
and i also made pumpkin spice chocolate chip cookies.. yummy
well talked to momc she bought a new chair for herself and it wasn't working out to great.. this has been going on a few weeks.. yesterday she slid off the chair on the floor. she diddn't get hurt but was stubborn about returning the chair..
i insisted on her calling.. so i called her this morning to check and see if she called to return the chair and i assume that everyone there thought i was nuts and they would not take back the chair..
so once again i insisted she call finally a couple of hours later she called and they are going to pick up the chair nd she will pick out a new one..
whu i do not know when i suggest that something will work for the good i am just not taken into consideration.. let it go.. it has always been that way...
all i can do is let them do things their way..
well Paul just walked in and i have got to see what he has going on..
see ya
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