January 22 2025

 Today I'm sitting here at Wheat panty.

Bad bad even though  all bad has past. I don't think I'll be bothered to much more as his way is the only way to do life is a hymn an belive hope cherish all of myself. As detachment is going together.  Soon it will blend and be part of a distant thought of family friends enemies of Jesus.

So I faced the bunch of events and it shall be done in God way and father time I am patient and can only tolerate myself in my thought not all the baddies have done to my self and my home.

Ghost appear and my mantel protects me

Have mercy on me forgive my  feelings  of not being included in love. And sister and brother love isn't there a the scream of 666 come through.  I am in your hands and may peace and let it be be done.

Put down the situation and let love rule us.

7/0817

Lord Praise Your Holi Name

Hello My Friend,
it was yesterday I was here expressing all my deep emotions and they disappeared well today I am here and it is another day and another new set of emotions.. I a so sad being not anything desirable to anyone.. it is terrible.
I thought at this age to be happy and feeling good about myself, looking ok for my age   yet here I am unhappy alone feeling badly looking aweful for my age and alone.
you are far from me Jesus.. I reach out to you but I do not feel like you reach back to me when will you reach out to me?  and help me feel wanted and not alone..
where are you my Lamb..
you did not come to me as a babe in my arms to be with me in my life..
and I hate that..   I begged that and wasn't heard.
and here I am in NC where there is not even GrandParent forster  care..
again I am denied..
you hate me.. 
I am fat and crippled what good am I , so ugly.. I know this can't be fixed..
if it could it would be.. Is that wy you left me alone to hate myself
and be alone sad unhappy cruel  and a bad person... 
please I long to feel your comfort and love again.. 
Praise you my dear spouse.  and thank you... I love you forever mor  Valerie

Prayer of Praise

Today, through the Years

I did not for the life of me know what the Lord had planed for me since last I blogged oh my darling Angels do you see my hurt...
what my life has become?  I do so often wish my life end that there is no use to my life.. but I keep plugging away..
getting nowhere fast..
the I took on top of the epidurals in my back not working my legs getting numb, the inability for my back to an nerve to with stand me I keep  falling  the firemen keep coming to pick me off the floor,  finally I had back surgery which left me still numb needing another surgery..  it has been a year and 5 mons. and I still am not going to get better I have got to accept this but I don't and I am worthless to myself and most of all Paul,  he is stuck in a between a rock and a hard place...
he doesn't know what to create out of our mess.  our love,  our marriage, the home, family, finances,
the daily home chores,
I am tring not to let them all fall on him.. yet a lot more than it does should does..
the landscape is awful.  it mostly nees a lands scaper Pauls back is so bad  we have git to get him an Mri
the medicine isn't doing much good either.. one day at a time sweet Jesus, please pour your healing down on him heal his back gace hiwith love peace and kindness from me and everyone..
thank you

November 1,  2015 Sunday

Trying to keep my crown on my head... 
praise the Lord Thank you Lord Bless You Lord i worship you Jesus...
Amen

Just Passed Over

Yesterday afternoon Mother called crying unconsoleably.
in deep sorrow in the loss of her sister my auntie Dorothy.
we peak at the moment she was so deep in hysteric crying...
I spoke with mom later she was more composed..
today I will call and talk things through and with Lou and Melissa..
also send a Spiritual to uncle Archie and Daniel..
for myslf I have yet to feel the pain of the loss.. I cannot figure
out way... maybe the past  or just that she was 92 and it was expected for so long that I have just been waiting for the call.
to let go is also.. saying goodbye to a lot of happy days and days of unforgettable painful memories..

today is a day o mourning..
I will have energy and be motivated to do things to help Paul and I in our struggle with what we are doing.. decluttering.. taking things one day at a time asking God to have the angels direct us in our endeavor to clear out so we can focus and thing of the next right thing to do..
should we sell the house?
how do we go about it?
what will happen with SSD?
where do we go from here Jesus in your mighty name I ask for victory in our lives today..
bless the lord oh my soul  I worship your holy name...
may all your holy angels and saints be with us in this day to be positive energized and motivated..
thank you and praise you forever more..