7/0817

Lord Praise Your Holi Name

Hello My Friend,
it was yesterday I was here expressing all my deep emotions and they disappeared well today I am here and it is another day and another new set of emotions.. I a so sad being not anything desirable to anyone.. it is terrible.
I thought at this age to be happy and feeling good about myself, looking ok for my age   yet here I am unhappy alone feeling badly looking aweful for my age and alone.
you are far from me Jesus.. I reach out to you but I do not feel like you reach back to me when will you reach out to me?  and help me feel wanted and not alone..
where are you my Lamb..
you did not come to me as a babe in my arms to be with me in my life..
and I hate that..   I begged that and wasn't heard.
and here I am in NC where there is not even GrandParent forster  care..
again I am denied..
you hate me.. 
I am fat and crippled what good am I , so ugly.. I know this can't be fixed..
if it could it would be.. Is that wy you left me alone to hate myself
and be alone sad unhappy cruel  and a bad person... 
please I long to feel your comfort and love again.. 
Praise you my dear spouse.  and thank you... I love you forever mor  Valerie

Prayer of Praise

Today, through the Years

I did not for the life of me know what the Lord had planed for me since last I blogged oh my darling Angels do you see my hurt...
what my life has become?  I do so often wish my life end that there is no use to my life.. but I keep plugging away..
getting nowhere fast..
the I took on top of the epidurals in my back not working my legs getting numb, the inability for my back to an nerve to with stand me I keep  falling  the firemen keep coming to pick me off the floor,  finally I had back surgery which left me still numb needing another surgery..  it has been a year and 5 mons. and I still am not going to get better I have got to accept this but I don't and I am worthless to myself and most of all Paul,  he is stuck in a between a rock and a hard place...
he doesn't know what to create out of our mess.  our love,  our marriage, the home, family, finances,
the daily home chores,
I am tring not to let them all fall on him.. yet a lot more than it does should does..
the landscape is awful.  it mostly nees a lands scaper Pauls back is so bad  we have git to get him an Mri
the medicine isn't doing much good either.. one day at a time sweet Jesus, please pour your healing down on him heal his back gace hiwith love peace and kindness from me and everyone..
thank you